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2020 was so bad, we didn’t make a single post

Posted on January 2, 2021 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on 2020 was so bad, we didn’t make a single post
Blog News

Certain wild and rabid fans have practically begged us to return to blogging. So, I guess we will.

Believe it or not, we actually took steps in 2020 to reinvigorate the site. But there were roadblocks and all that.

  1. Technical issues. On our prior host, WordPress was several versions behind, and we couldn’t update it. The PHP version was old, but the host didn’t provide an obvious way to do the update.

    It was a convenient excuse to start learning to use AWS, and set up our own server. So we did that.

    Naturally, when I logged into the prior host to change the DNS settings, they FINALLY prodded me to upgrade PHP. Just a year or two late there.
  2. Spacetime incompatibility. To put it simply, the Mascot *hasn’t even existed* in our universe for the last several years. We’re still deciding whether to post about the basic astrophysics of how our universe and the Eggish universe interact. It’s still too risky, because the government is watching us too closely.
  3. Work-life imbalance. The perfect excuse for not doing something. Yes, work has been very draining. With the nature of my work (and being one of the company owners), there’s no guarantee of time away from the job. But I *do* have time for rest, and it’s a matter of priorities. LEP hasn’t been a priority, and I just need to change that.

Here’s to a much more involved 2021!

Monday Fighter!

Posted on February 4, 2019 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on Monday Fighter!
Monday Fighter!

“Whatsoever is perfect in its kind, in literature, is imperishable: nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect, it must and will stand alone: its immortality is secure.” –Mark Twain

Mark Twain was spot on about Pedro Carolino’s most famous work.

Mark Twain, 19th-century author and humorist, did not earn his fame from being unable to utilize English in enthralling ways. And today, we pay homage to Mr. Twain. But we are not here to discuss the quality of his work; instead it’s to nod in agreement with his assessment of another classic.

Pedro Carolino had aspirations. Europe is relatively small, and packed with mutually unintelligible languages. Surely, there would be a market for an accessible, competent Portuguese-to-English phrasebook. Mr. Carolino had a hurdle to overcome, however. He had yet to fuss with the “being fluent at English” part, and preferred to minimize time-to-market of his in-demand product. Fortunately, he could use the work of a prior trailblazer to smooth his own path:

1. Get a decent Portuguese-to-French phrasebook. Fortunately, this work had been done by José da Fonseca.
2. Use a French-to-English dictionary to “translate” the book…
3. Publish and claim da Fonseca as a “co-author” to boost the book’s credibility! What could go wrong?

Let’s ignore the small grammatical awkwardness in the title, “The New Guide of the Conversation in Portuguese and English”. (It’s better known as “English as She is Spoke”)

The lack of quality control starts early, in the “Defects of the body” section. “A left handed”, “an ugly” and “a blind” are very economical, both getting the message across in English and demonstrating the author’s lack of understanding of how English speakers actually communicate.

The “Trades” section looks passable, until you realize “Chinaman” isn’t a necessarily a paying profession.

Carolino was smart to have started the book with one- and two-word phrases, to try to lull the reader into a false sense of confidence. His attempts to teach us full phrases and conversations “burns one’s self the brains”.

Maybe he was just really hungry, and should have had his fellow ask him “I you do not eat?”, before publishing. Maybe he was writhing in pain and should “take attention to cut you self”. (Bleeding out would be a fair excuse for a lower quality of work).

In all fairness, to use the English expression, “If can’t to please at every one’s”. And Carolino’s failure to try to please everyone has granted him a form of immortality I can only envy.

Fortunately, this book is old enough to be in the public domain! You can read it on Google Books for free! (Starts on page 5, and it really ramps up on page 17, when Carolino attempts to teach the reader full English sentences).

So go “cranuch the marmoset” and let us know your favorite phrases!

King Safety

Posted on November 8, 2018 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on King Safety
Chess

Tomorrow, November 9, is the first day of the world championship!

For some reason, no one asked me to commentate. But that’s OK! Instead, below is a handy primer on how to deploy your King in the opening. (For those of you not familiar with the Galaxy Brain meme, the items are arranged from least to most “enlightened”.)

How to deploy your King in the opening phases of the chess game

So, no rematch?

Posted on September 6, 2018 By Liquid Egg Product 5 Comments on So, no rematch?
Chess, Weaksauce Losers

“GG no re” I believe is still a common nomenclature in the internet gaming world.

Oh, and bonus insults!

Estimate how much this cost

Posted on June 6, 2017 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on Estimate how much this cost
Bad Ads, In the News

My new life plan is to move to East Yorkshire and vote for Greg Knight.

If you’d like the entire theme song, visit Greg Knight’s site! (Direct link to mp3).

I can only pray that this commercial cost Knight’s campaign less than £1000…

Ranking the Oscars

Posted on February 27, 2017 By Liquid Egg Product 1 Comment on Ranking the Oscars
Entertainment

1. Oscar the Grouch

2. Oscar Meyer

3. Oscar de la Hoya

4. Oscar de la Renta

5. OSCAR (Online System for Clerkship Application and Review)

6. Oscar Health Insurance

etc.

What I’m trying to say is that all the Oscars out there are better than The Oscars.

One way you can watch my beautiful face

Posted on February 6, 2017 By Liquid Egg Product 3 Comments on One way you can watch my beautiful face
Computer-fu, Eggs Vs Humans, Uncomfortability

For a few years, I’ve been working on Eggs vs Humans on-and-off again. Normally I don’t like to make New Year’s resolutions. But finishing EvH is the one I’ve made this year.

To aid that, I’m committed 2 hours at the end of 3 workdays per week (starting at 11pm EST). To help force myself to do it, I will be live-streaming the development at

https://www.twitch.tv/liquideggproduct/

Come watch, and be amazed at how poor I am in front of a camera.

Weekends will be additional development time, which may or may not be streamed.

So how do Americans REALLY view Trump?

Posted on January 26, 2017 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on So how do Americans REALLY view Trump?
In the News

My patriotic American friends and I were recently one day enjoying some american beer drinks and making barbecue cooking animal steaks outdoor in typical american backyard, when we talked that how much Donald Trump has make America strong in the world. Everyone said so, and agreed it is hes strength that is making Americans so joyful that now they have strong leader and not weak democratic party lady. Other country agree that they fear his making strength and hope weak lady wins not strong man. This are the ordinary talks we americans are doing with our neighbors now. Trump stronger for USA.

I don’t know who said this, but believe me, Americans think the next four years are going to be tremendous.

Copyright: badmanproduction / 123RF Stock Photo

ALEKSTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on January 19, 2017 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on ALEKSTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chess

Meet Alekstone, my nemesis. As you can see, we are closely rated in bullet chess, and he’s won every. Single. Game.

It’s like he’s He-man and I’m Skeletor.
Or he could be Lion-O and I’m Mumm-ra.
Or maybe even he’s Voltron, and I’m, uh, those purple people trying to rule the universe.

The number of those games I was winning and should have won easily….but he’s like a damn magician.

Or maybe I’m just the super-villain that cackles “I’ve finally got you this time, [fill-in-the-hero]!!!!” only to be undone by my own hubris.

I’ll get you next time, Alekstone!!! NEXT TIME!!!!!!

Saints are so confusing

Posted on December 22, 2016 By Liquid Egg Product 2 Comments on Saints are so confusing
History, Religion

There’s this famous historical place of worship called the Hagia Sophia. As a native English speaker, I naturally pronounced the first word “Hah/ghee/a”. Years later, I feel like a fool for never having learned “Hagia” actually sounds like “Aya”.

So imagine the confusion today upon encountering the word “hagiography”, and finding out that it’s pronounced pretty close to how it looks like it should be pronounced.

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