Although Kim Jong-Il was a baller, it just wasn’t enough. Shawn Bradley hit a half-court three pointer with :01 left to win the game. (Yes, the arcade version of NBA Jam absolutely cheated!)
Thanks to Katrushka, I have discovered nationstates.net, where you get to create your own country. There’s not so much to do; everyday, you get a chance to create law for your country, nudging the needle in the areas of civil rights, economy, and personal freedoms. It should be fun to see things develop.
So far, elections have been outlawed and bicycles have been banned from major roadways. Once the country becomes poor enough so that people can’t afford their vehicles, I’ll probably consider allowing bicycles back on the road.
If you’re wondering whether the Holy Empire of Liquid Egg Product is planned to be loosely based on North Korea…that’s perfectly accurate.
Check out: The Holy Empire of Liquid Egg Product (that’s our flag at the top, by the way)
This is what they mean by dictators not being able to be placated. An iron-vise rule over millions of people, nuclear weaponry and awkward propaganda aren’t enough to satisfy the ego of Kim Jong Il. He needs an anti-aging product to further prove the superiority of the Juche idea to those brigandish imperialists.
(And if you’ve seen recent pictures of Kim, he needs all the health benefits he can get.)
Bring in the Moranbong Carbonated Fruit Juice Joint Venture Company. They’ve developed a drink with sixty micronutrients from “more than thirty species of natural plants” (as opposed to artificial plants). It protects against wrinkles, age spots, and “brain infarction”, and has no side effects.
Unfortunately for Dear Leader Kim Jong Il, this is another area in which they lag behind the United States. We’ve had companies making ridiculous health claims about their products for decades.
Source: Anti-oxidation drink made
Never mind the garbage that comes out of American radio. The North Koreans have cooked up some serious hit songs recently (iTunes doesn’t seem to have them yet for some reason). The only thing is that’s it’s tough deciding which one’s the best…
As a brigandish and high-handed imperialist, I decided to revisit the KCNA in a brisk way.
The KCNA is the official North Korean news site. Yes, they really write like that. It hasn’t changed in the last six months. In fact, the stories seem to be exactly the same, except for the one about children kicking butt in Paduk (aka Go).
A couple thoughts to keep you inspired on a hump day:
“Kim Jong Il provided the historic June 15 joint declaration and the October 4 declaration, a programme for implementing the joint declaration in all fields, thus converting the north-south relations into those of reconciliation and cooperation and ushering in a new era of reunification in which the Koreans powerfully push forward the movement for national reunification in the idea of “By our nation itself” and with the will to embody it.”
“Great irony is that Japan, a political dwarf not entitled to talk about human rights, took the lead in railroading the anti-DPRK “resolution” through the recent session, behaving as if it were a ‘human rights judge.'”
Thanks to Allen for bringing this news of the Korean summit to my attention.
In this photo, the European Pressphoto Agency photographer captured irrefutable proof of the North Korean leader’s bulging belly. This likely is his last-ditch effort to bring forth a suitable heir.
Oh, and the flowers the North Korean people are holding in the background? They’re plastic.
As much as Western and Arab media differ in their points of view, they both agree that North Korea has the oddest government in the world:
In 2002, for example, according to South Korea’s ministry of unification, celebrations for Kim Jong-il’s 60th birthday led to a 36 per cent drop in industrial productivity.
Granted, in the United States, we have an event which hurts productivity just as much. It’s called March Madness.
North Korea is going to have more problems, and I feel sorry for its people.
Torrential storms have battered the country, especially in the southeast, destroying infrastructure, washing away soil, and killing hundreds of people. For a country that already struggles with food, this is a brutal blow. Analysts say they will require extra food aid for one or two years.
The North Korean government requested international assistance, and in a rare move, broadcast video footage to the outside world of affected areas.
According to the KCNA, Pukchang County received 672mm of rain (26.5 in.) over the course of six days. Some areas had a peak rate of 90mm (3.5 in.) per hour, devastating buildings and farmland.
To their credit, the KCNA didn’t let the national disaster hamper their daily bashing of South Korea’s Grand National Party, the United States, and Japan.
So much for civilization.
President Bush is having a colonoscopy Saturday, and will temporarily cede power to Dick Cheney. It’s been rumored that Cheney has been unhappy with the president’s inability to “get things done”, and will try to initiate his agenda as quickly as possible. This includes initiatives to:
- Recall all those useless diplomats
- Implement “Operation Robertson” and assassinate Hugo Chavez
- Since troops are in the neighborhood anyway, invade Iran
- Nuke North Korea, with the rationale that “there will probably still be a ton of survivors left in Seoul after the counterattack”
It’s rumored that France will be spared due to the recent election of Nikolas Sarkozy.
Todd Schnitt: This was the guy in the billboards with a bald Britney Spears. As seen in the first picture, he’s not winning too many “Sexiest Man” awards. But the bald one is just too freaky, and it’s the reason he’s up here.
Manuel Uribe: That’s not the worst picture of him. And that’s saying something.
Sheila: Oh, no. No, no, no. Oh, no. No. No!