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Great Moments In History

Posted on January 23, 2008 By The Mascot 19 Comments on Great Moments In History
History
Philip II of Macedon–Assassinated!

Philip II of Macedon was the dad of Alexander the Great (how anyone who drunk himself to death by 33 can be considered “great” is a discussion for another day).

There was a wedding in Aegea (that’s the ancient capital of Macedonia) and the king sauntered out unprotected for some sort of diplomatic reasons. That’s when one of his bodyguards killed him, who in turn, got his butt kicked by three of the other bodyguards. I’m not entirely clear on how there were bodyguards but King Philip was unprotected. But you know I got this stuff right, ’cause it’s in Wikipedia.

And sorry Wahrheit, you know I have great respect for you and you have great respect for me, but I couldn’t do the re-enactment you suggested. It’s blasted difficult to sneak atomic bombs by those guards. I’ve got to find a nuclear weapons facility that uses those Wackenhut guys. Maybe next week.

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19 thoughts on “Great Moments In History”

  1. l3rucewayne says:
    January 23, 2008 at 4:12 am

    This reminds me of when dogbert made collectible plates with acorns on them, and then came out with new ones of little smiley faces with (french?) artist hats on them, they looked oddly similar to the originals. By the way, just looked at donaldbriggs.net, I had no idea that purple blob next to your earlier pre-mascot comments was some kind of amethyst mountain/cave, I thought it was you’r idea of liquid egg product, go figure. And what’s this I hear about 2 chess puzzles a week on your blog? I think you’ve fallen behind, but I can’t point fingers what with my own very slow in coming posts, so I’ll let it slide…

    Reply
  2. Allen says:
    January 23, 2008 at 9:18 am

    Well in reality him being protected or unprotected didn’t mean anything. If it’s your own bodyguard out to assassinate you, you’re rather screwed.

    Reply
  3. Donnie says:
    January 23, 2008 at 11:01 am

    @The Mascot: Thank you for your hard work creating this week’s re-enactment. It’s almost a surprise you didn’t get a 50% raise immediately.

    @l3rucewayne: LOL, I remember those Dilberts. Got the book around here somewhere…

    donaldbriggs.net is mostly defunct. It was my original stamp on the ‘Net, but the blog format ended up being so much more useful.

    The chess puzzles were on my old blog, which was destroyed somehow by my webhost (this was actually a good thing, because it prodded me into trying WordPress, which is how I found you, Derek, and chessloser. The rest is history.) You’re right; the 2 chess puzzles/week is now false advertising.

    @Allen: It just means his other bodyguards sucked. (It’s also one of the reasons why I don’t have any bodyguards.)

    Reply
  4. Wahrheit says:
    January 23, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    This series is already so way cool that I’m addicted; and I’d still love to see you as Oppenheimer quoting Shiva. You don’t even need the bomb part, just you the Mascot his ownself with one of those little bubble things above your head saying “Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” A pipe would be a fine prop to complete the Oppenheimer illusion.

    Now that I think about it, you could do some other famous quotes without any props at all, you’ve got the acting chops to pull it off. Maybe “Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.” Nah, probably too long for the format.

    How about just “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing!” Well, I’m sure you’ll come up with better ones.

    Reply
  5. l3rucewayne says:
    January 23, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    How about a reenactment of Mr. Burns sitting in front of homer fingertips together with “Egggsssellent.” over head. Lame pun, but my sense of humor doesn’t demand much(No offense to this fine blog:-).) All these requests for the mascot, malt-o-meal(that was the company right?) must be so jealous.

    Reply
  6. l3rucewayne says:
    January 23, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    I made the #$%##$ quotation rotation!! This is a proud day indeed, :’-)sniff.

    Reply
  7. Donnie says:
    January 23, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    @Wahrheit: The guy can’t act. Believe me. That’s why he doesn’t do more videos and podcasts (although hopefully we’ll get a few productions finished soon)

    @l3rucewayne: I doubt Malt-O-Meal would care one bit the egg.

    You had me laughing half the day with the coma thing. I have a list somewhere of other people’s quotes that I still need to add, but haven’t done yet.

    Reply
  8. The Mascot says:
    January 24, 2008 at 7:50 am

    Wahrheit, I still want to do the bomb part, but you’re right maybe I don’t need to steal a real atomic bomb. It would be pretty cool if I could pull it off, we will have to see.

    Reply
  9. Allen says:
    January 24, 2008 at 9:40 am

    Donnie, maybe he just didn’t pay his bodyguards enough. Low pay tends or poor working conditions tends to cause mutiny. The mascot is a perfect example.

    Reply
  10. Donnie says:
    January 24, 2008 at 11:49 am

    Are you saying I’m a cheapskate?

    Reply
  11. The Mascot says:
    January 24, 2008 at 11:50 am

    That’s EXACTLY what he means, and I’m saying you’re a cheapskate too. You haven’t given me a raise since the Podcast.

    Reply
  12. Pingback: Meet… Ahmalette… « l3rucewayne’s blog
  13. chessloser says:
    January 25, 2008 at 11:17 am

    everything i know about alexander the great, i learned from Iron Maiden’s song “alexander the great.” now, thanks to you, i know a bit more. i am ready for jeapordy…

    Reply
  14. Polly says:
    January 26, 2008 at 1:36 am

    Wackenhut! Damn does that bring back memories. I actually worked for those guys back in 1979-1980 doing corporate security at Exxon’s NYC headquarters. Interesting job, except every time the price of gas went up we’d receive a bomb threat. I think it was still under a buck a gallon at that time. LMAO! I hate hear what type of bomb scare calls they get now. “Gonna nuke Houston if ya down’t drop the price.”

    Reply
  15. Donnie says:
    January 28, 2008 at 10:49 am

    @chessloser: If every single category was “Alexander the Great” and “Philip II”, you’ll be just like that Ken Jennings guy.

    @Polly: An interesting job except for the bomb threats? I’d think that would be the most interesting part of all. That’s fascinating that people would have the guts to call in (probably non-serious) bomb threats and not be afraid of retribution.

    Is it true Wackenhut guards only get rubber bullets for weapons? (And the guns to fire them with, of course.)

    Reply
  16. annie says:
    January 28, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    oddly…the more I look at this renactment…the more the bearded mascot looks like…you.

    Reply
  17. Wahrheit says:
    January 28, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    The Wackenhut guys out in the Nevada desert get real bullets to guard “Area 51.” There are perimeter signs that say “Deadly force authorized.”

    I don’t know how it’s constitutional to shoot an unarmed trespasser, but I suppose we’ve got to go above and beyond to prevent the alien technology from falling into the wrong hands…

    Reply
  18. The Mascot says:
    January 29, 2008 at 12:17 am

    the more the bearded mascot looks like…you.

    AARRRGGHH!!! NO!!!!

    Reply
  19. Donnie says:
    January 29, 2008 at 12:20 am

    the more the bearded mascot looks like…you.

    AARRRGGHH!!! NO!!!!

    @Wahrheit: Unarmed trespassers would still be able to use their legs.

    I thought the gov’t would go with SOMEONE ELSE besides the Hut, but that’s our tax dollars their spending, not theirs.

    Reply

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