Even if you’ve never picked up a Nintendo controller, you’ve probably heard of the company’s flagship character, Mario. So how did this plucky plumber get his looks?
Little was done by accident or on a whim. The mustache, the color of his overalls, and the white gloves all had practical purposes (note: video link). That Nintendo’s mascot was designed with care and foresight, is lovable, and is internationally famous contrasts very sharply with a certain other Mascot, who needs not be mentioned by name.
Dear Liquid Egg Product Mascot (yes, I will mention you by name),
It seems that sometimes your employer takes you for granted, even disrespects (I know that’s not really a verb, but who am I to stop a trend) you at times. I, however, will always be grateful that the motivational tips you gave me a couple of years ago led to my current state of tip-top physical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional and professional prowess. In sum, I couldn’t have done it without ya, man.
Therefor, in front of God and Donnie and all the LEPheads (and Life, the Universe and Everything), I’m offering you a job. At double your current salary. Also, a secretary. A cute one. My office is booming these days and it’s all thanks to you and “The Secret” you shared with me lo those many moons ago.
I know you are loyal to a fault, but think about it.
I got it, Robert!
Here’s the deal. I’ll be glad to move to Alaska and work for you, since you appreciate what I bring to the table. The only caveat is that you have to hire Annie as your secretary. And no matter what I say to her, she can’t sue me for sexual harassment.
Annie–Let’s cut a deal. I’ve seen the photos so I know you qualify for the cute secretary role. Also we’ll find a place for your husband in the Organization, perhaps as head of security. That should keep the Egg from getting too far out of line.
I realize now I didn’t describe in detail the position I was offering the Mascot, which I’d better do before this goes too far…it’s as roving ambassador to rural Alaska communities. This does involve a lot of travel on small planes through horrendous weather, snow machining at 40 below zero, and eating caribou for breakfast. Mascot, sorry I didn’t mention that part earlier, but I’m sure an adventurous fellow like you can hardly wait to get up here.
Since I am not the cute secretary, this offer cannot possibly be that appealing to you. But one can hope.
Wait, what? He was talking about me? I thought he was talking about Aunt Jemima.
You were always kinda dumb. Look, you can take up Robert on his offer, you probably think he’ll treat you better. I’ll even waive the penalty that’s on your contract.
This would be a good opportunity for the mascot.
He can rally up support in Alaska by visiting all those rural areas and might be famous enough to become the next VP candidate.
Or he’d rally up too much support and end up as Palin’s next target. Either way, he’d get much mention on Fox News and boost his prospects for ’12
Considering how badly Palin polls among independents, being targeting by her may not be such a bad thing…