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I find this as frightening as you do

Posted on September 17, 2007 By Liquid Egg Product 12 Comments on I find this as frightening as you do
Uncomfortability

EXCLUSIVE interview with the LEP Mascot!

This is a big day in the history of Liquid Egg Product. That smiling egg you see in the picture is now the website’s official mascot! Here’s the exclusive interview I had with him.

Me: So tell the readers, what was it about my page that attracted you?

LEP Mascot: I couldn’t get a gig anywhere else, and you’re actually willing to pay me. So now I know what it feels like to be an illegal immigrant. Sometimes you have to take the work no one else wants to do.

Me: Um…right. You sound a little bitter.

LEP Mascot: Let me tell you something. I tried to get a job hawking Liquid Egg Product cereal. Kellogg’s, General Mills, Post, and Quaker—they all turned me down. But they’re billion dollar companies, and I can see why they don’t need me. Competing against Tony the Tiger and Cap’n Crunch…

Me: You were fighting tradition. That’s tough!

LEP Mascot: But getting laughed out of Malt-O-Meal HQ…that’s when I realized I had to start at the bottom. So I found the bottomest rung on the ladder I could find.

Me: [coughs] Yes, er, well, you get your first chance to strut yourself in a few days for Talk Like a Pirate Day. Feeling nervous?

LEP Mascot: I’m not sure which is more humiliating, being forced to talk like a pirate or being rejected by Malt-O-Meal.

Me: I guess we’re done here.

LEP Mascot: Righty-o.

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12 thoughts on “I find this as frightening as you do”

  1. annie says:
    September 17, 2007 at 11:59 pm

    you were on crack when you did this, weren’t you? donnie, donnie donnie. must lay off the rock. i will be seeing this expressionless grin in the dark as i try to sleep…

    Reply
  2. chessloser says:
    September 18, 2007 at 12:15 am

    awesome….interviews are the best posts…

    Reply
  3. l3rucewayne says:
    September 18, 2007 at 8:04 am

    Great stuff I think I may have woken up everyone in the house with my laughing. Was just checking your site after a couple or so days, and let me say you write way too often. I don’t see any of the posts I last saw… It makes me look bad…:-(
    jk.

    Reply
  4. Allen says:
    September 18, 2007 at 8:17 am

    I was hoping that if there was an interview it would involve Alex Chiu…

    Reply
  5. Donnie says:
    September 18, 2007 at 11:09 am

    @Annie: The original sketch was done at work, so your hypothesis isn’t that far off.

    The more I look at the Mascot’s grin, the more I see vibes of creepy pseudo-happiness. So sorry for any nightmares.

    @Chessloser: Even if you’re interviewing an alter ego?

    @l3rucewayne: I’ll try to be less funny in the future. 😉 This past week, my posting rate has been way too frequent (3-4/day); the average is more like 2. You can always use the calendar to look at old posts.

    @Allen: Don’t worry, I still want to do that interview. Just haven’t gotten around to trying to set it up.

    Reply
  6. chessloser says:
    September 18, 2007 at 11:12 am

    ESPECIALLY if you are interviewing an alter ego…

    Reply
  7. Derek Slater says:
    September 18, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    I was convinced there were no actual eggs involved in liquid egg product.

    Reply
  8. Allen says:
    September 19, 2007 at 12:32 am

    Derek has a point, if anything the mascot should be a carton of that ungodly egg concoction

    Reply
  9. Donnie says:
    September 19, 2007 at 1:19 am

    @Chessloser: Lol. I actually consider the concept a bit…unnerving.

    @Derek: I thought so too until I read the ingredients. Liquid egg product is mostly real eggs (a real disappointment).

    @Allen: Yes, you’re right. But it’s quicker to draw an oval than to try to make a kinda 3D looking-box.

    Reply
  10. Derek Slater says:
    September 19, 2007 at 1:52 am

    Bummer. What is this world coming to? 🙂

    Reply
  11. Allen says:
    September 20, 2007 at 9:20 am

    You know I just realized something. How does the LEP Mascot interview compare to your company’s recent interviews? Certainly the LEP Mascot interview was more… entertaining?

    Reply
  12. Donnie says:
    September 20, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    @Derek: A return to real food for the masses.

    @Allen: They were all pretty similar: I ask for so little, and that’s exactly what I get.

    Reply

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