Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Thankfully, the movie stars John Call. Otherwise, it might have sucked.
Ho, ho, ho! Santa smokes, and so should you!
Why should you watch it?
- Plenty of stock footage of the US Air Force
- The dubbing’s better than in Mafia vs Ninja
- Understand why this movie is Guantanamo-approved
If you’re looking for a Santa who kicks Martian butt with his toys, this a’int it. He gets innocent children to do that (seriously). The only way Santa could kill any Martians is to give them lung cancer from his cigar smoking.
There’s a character named “Winky the Elf”. Kids on Mars can get reception for TV programs on Earth. The evil villain has a thick mustache. Martians also speak English and eat chocolate, bananas, and hamburgers. I don’t want to spend more time writing about this. I’m IM’ing friends to recover IQ right now. Here are some screenshots with pithy captions. (And you can click on them for a larger size!)
I’m absolutely convinced this is not a man in a polar bear suit…
…and that this is not a man in a cardboard box with fake dials painted on
That’s a spaceship going through space. Allegedly.
They probably caught this mistake, but didn’t have the budget to redo it.
The one on the left is Martian hamburger.
It would be merrier watching Santa With Muscles instead.
that movie was awesome….i think mst3k did an episode about it, and it’s been mentioned in a john waters book. it’s everywhere, yet nowwhere…
tsk tsk …. it’s ok. not nearly as much damage as would have been done sniffing glue or chewing vicodin tablets. although if you wanted a dumb movie without the damage, you coulda rented dude where’s my car, or bad santa if you just really wanted a santa fix. lesson learned. am I going to have to put on baby einstein for you when you get here? ai-ya. (although I read that baby einstein isn’t much better than this santa flick)
cl: If mst3k didn’t do this movie, they should have.
Annie: I’m willing to attempt to sit through that movie as long as at least one other person endures it with me. As you mentioned before, it’s not like there’s a heck of a lot else to do in Houston anyway.