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News snapshot

Posted on April 25, 2008 By Liquid Egg Product 5 Comments on News snapshot
In the News

“Crop-based biofuels are not part of the solution. They, in fact, add to the problem. Whether Al Gore has caught up with that, somebody ought to ask him.”
—Food Crisis Eclipsing Climate Change

“Everyone knows the president’s poll numbers are at historic lows, but if he is over in Lubbock, there is no place in this country that likes him.”
—The View From Gate 14

“At first the guy was blocking. But we kept on kicking and assaulting him. After he started bleeding, we stopped. They said: ‘Why are you stopping?’ So we had to keep on beating him. Then they gave us some pills – I’m not sure what they were, but after I took them I had this rage.”
—Confessions of a Zimbabwe torturer

“Israel has dismissed a conditional six-month truce proposed by Hamas, saying that it was a ruse to allow the Palestininan group to recover from losses after recent clashes with the Israeli military.”
—Israel rejects Hamas truce offer

“Dr Giles said fewer ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up.”
—Masturbation ‘cuts cancer risk’ (So I had to throw a curveball in there somewhere, OK?)

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5 thoughts on “News snapshot”

  1. David K, Seattle says:
    April 25, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    i told one good set of friends that based on this masterbation news, then i will outlive you all!

    Reply
  2. Donnie says:
    April 27, 2008 at 11:04 am

    If, on my deathbed, you are still alive, I will regret being a not-as-prolific masturbator.

    On the plus side, I’m less likely to be spied on by Carl Monday.

    Reply
  3. chessloser says:
    April 28, 2008 at 10:14 am

    my cancer risk has been cut to negative 20%

    Reply
  4. annie says:
    April 28, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.

    Reply
  5. Donnie says:
    April 29, 2008 at 10:16 am

    @chessloser: Aren’t you married?

    @annie: Most of the time, we just don’t notice. The primary problems occur because of:

    1. Direct assault
    2. Improper sitting technique
    3. Awkward arousals
    Reply

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