Recently, I realized it’s been almost two years since I broke up with my ex-fiancee. In that time, I’ve spent almost no time pursuing anyone else, except for muffing that one opportunity on an airplane. I’ve generally been happy with bachelorship. However, I’m 29 so maybe it’s time to get a move on. (And to finally sell that engagement ring, which is laying around here somewhere.)
There was an article with the premise that when you’re on the prowl for a mate, make sure you know what qualities you’re looking for and not settle for worse. It helps save time and heartache by preventing pair-ups with someone incompatible or inadequate.
So over the weekend, I figured out which qualities in a woman are most important to me:
1. Demonstrates kindness to people.
2. Not too hideous-looking.
3. Mentally stable.
4. Convicted of 2 or fewer felonies (optional).
5. Hasn’t had a sex change.
How about getting what you want out of life first before finding a honey? Just a thought. I would add “Does not have a hidden male gender” to that list.
“4. Convicted of 2 or fewer felonies (optional).”
Strange seeing this in your list. Does that mean all women have atleast being convicted once?
Where is loyalty? I thought that doesn’t cheat would be in that list, guess i am mistaken. So you dont mind that she has a second relationship beside with you?
Btw, i am almost 36 yrs young. Still single, not looking, enjoying life. I life with the love credo:”if it happens then it happens, if not then i will not shed a tear”.
hey I take offense to that. a honey wouldn’t restrict one’s path to satisfaction; indeed I would hope she would facilitate the journey if not end it.
don’t forget 6) does not have psychotic family members.
Your engagement ring? I remember that one! You could get it for $5.99 plus S&H, with 4 proofs of purchase from specially marked packages of Cap’n Crunch, Crunch Berries, or Peanut Butter Crunch.
4. Convicted of 2 or fewer felonies (optional).
You need higher standards, bro.
6. Understands a “healthy obsession” with a board game.
Mentally stable is not compatible with chess. 🙂
“a honey wouldn’t restrict one’s path to satisfaction; indeed I would hope she would facilitate the journey if not end it.”
Yeah. When you have a family, sometimes you have to set aside what you want to do *this minute*. But mostly, they support you in achieving what you really want to achieve. 🙂
I’ve never been a fan of online dating sites. Why spend hours arranging to meet at a coffee shop with someone who might not even be your type?
I had the most fun on the dating scene when I joined a group/club that did something I enjoyed where both sexes were present in abundance. It was fun, there was no pressure, and conversations could always develop into something more if two people wanted them to.
“6. Understands a “healthy obsession” with a board game.”
Definitely! And of course, getting Mr. E to whip you into good shape like Blunderprone and I helps too. 😉
Donnie,
You’ve reminded me that as a teenage boy I would occasionally amuse myself by making up a mental checklist of the things I sought in an ideal mate. It encompassed all of the essential categories from physical measurements to hair color, from college major to tastes in music. As the years went by, frequent collisions with reality forced me to revise my criteria. All right, “statuesque blonde” and “lingerie model” would become optional. “Enjoys Wagner” went right out the window. By the time I was your age, my standard was reduced to a single line item (on which, however, there was no compromise):
“Um…two legs and a pulse.”
When this failed to reverse my fortunes I realized that my approach was half backwards. You see, women, too, have their checklists. Say you’re an apple. Now, a particular woman may be looking for an orange; we can’t help that – we can’t turn an apple into an orange. But if she’s looking for an apple, you can strive to be the shiniest, reddest apple on the tree. Now, I have absolutely no idea how to complete this metaphor (wait – maybe something about a banana?), but eventually I did marry a statuesque blonde lingerie model. Alas, she’ll only let me put on Wagner when she’s away with the kids.
RC
Somehow i doubt if your family would allow you to trek the amazon or go to afghanistan as a security guard. Such things are best done before you settle down.
Interesting. Some men would look at a woman and assign her a score based on her looks.
Then you have others such as yourself that have a checklist.
Both have their flaws, the score ignores potential character issues while the second one is too black and white. If your checklist said “Is a lingerie model” then you’d have to mark No if she were instead a swimsuit model.
So the solution is simple, make a hybrid of the two systems to gain the benefits of both while reducing the downsides.
Make your checklist, then assign each item a weight.
The weighted checklist gives you more insight when making your decision.
Using your list, this is a possible implementation:
1. Demonstrates kindness to people. 2 points.
2. Not too hideous-looking. 3 points.
3. Mentally stable. 5 points.
4. Convicted of 2 or fewer felonies (optional). 3 points.
5. Hasn’t had a sex change. 5 points.
If you find 3 potential candidates, add up their points and voila! Put your faith in the point system and you can’t go wrong.
http://xkcd.com/314/
totally thought of you when I saw this.
I fully expect to meet The Honey in a year.
“i doubt if your family would allow you to trek the amazon”
Mine would.
“or go to afghanistan as a security guard.”
You got me there! But I have no interest in doing that. 🙂
It is a good idea to have minimal standards. I too added ‘mentally stable’ (in particular, if I met someone and she was taking antidepressants, she was off limits).
Then I met my present wife. Let me tell ya’, mental stability is huge. As we are married longer (it’s over four years now), I appreciate that one aspect more than any of the others. Well, and basic compatibility in our senses of humor and other things. Mental stability is necessary, not sufficient.
I had a girlfriend once who was not only depressed all the time, but who didn’t find my goofy jokes funny. And I’m all about goofy jokes, so it was doomed to fail.
Have fun. On a dating web site you should put a picture of The Egg, see how he fares.
Don’t knock mental instability… I mean…especially if you like roller coasters 😉
So first of all…this isn’t my real top 5 list. Although maybe it should be.
And I’m way too tired to respond to 15 comments. Get to it tomorrow.
Here’s my (real) top five list.
1.
-Mentally stable (i.e., generally happy and well-adjusted, honest, able to deal with conflict without growing satan horns, not a psycho).
-I find her attractive (otherwise just be friends)
3.
-Compatible sense of humor (humor is a huge part of my life and I can be very immature).
-Independent (can put up with me spending time on other things, like work or chess)
5
-Can tell me when I’m being a jackass.
6
-Loves it when I take a dump on the kitchen table as a ‘prank.’
-Finds it delightfully whimsical when I hang dead puppies from the ceiling fan and run around the house yelling, “Oh my god, they are here. We’re gonna fucking die. Get me my gun!” and then sit in the corner rocking in the fetal position.
OK, top five is real.
B D Knight, Number 6 and Number 1 seem mutually exclusive 🙂
@Q: “Finding a honey”? LOL. I am content which is why I haven’t pushed hard. (One of my friends, after indicating I bake homemade cookies, asked “Why are you single?” That’s the answer.)
There’s not really much I want out of life right now which would be restricted by a “honey”.
@chesstiger: Well, I plan on seeing 3 or more girls on the side, so it’s only fair she gets the same opportunity.
@annie: Agreed there. Except she might start whining if I play too much chess or World of Warcraft.
@The Mascot: Wrong. Shipping and handling was free.
@Mr. E: The list was a joke. Don’t worry about it.
@Blunderprone: Do healthy and obsession go together?
@Polly: True. I don’t have to be mentally stable, but she does. Sounds fair.
@likesforests: I actually joined a club. Unfortunately, it was a chess club and the sex ratio hasn’t proven to be sufficient to find that special someone.
@Ray: You’re crazy. Wagner is far more important than the statuesque blonde part. (And be honest…it was showing off your Practical Chess Exercises book that hooked her, right?)
@Q: Yeah, but if you catch bin Laden as a security guard in Afghanistan? Major props there.
@Allen: Hmmm. Nah…that’s too much work.
Besides, I actually have to go out and meet people to find 3 candidates. I’ll just wait for those hot babes to spam me on Skype.
@Annie: Using that formula, an 80-year-old can date a 47-year-old and not be considered creepy. (Recycling stuff from our IM convo FTW.)
@likesforests: Just watch out for the toothpick fish.
@Blunderprone: Thank you for your insight. However, mental stability will remain on my list.
@BDK: That’s good advice. Except the “minimal standards” part could have been rephrased.
The Mascot tried to put his picture on hotornot.com. They took it down because they thought it was fake.
And if someone could handle #6? That would be a real winner right there.
@Allen: Good point. Maybe someone who could handle #6 wouldn’t be the best…
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