The Mascot has been suspended with pay while being investigated for sexual harassment. He is alleged to have been sending cellphone pictures of his penis to Shelly, the female staffer of LEP.
While Shelly herself has so far refused to corroborate the story, the third-party source is considered highly reliable.
It’s further rumored that the Mascot mentioned something about wanting to be “just like my hero, Brett Favre”, but these could not immediately be confirmed.
Stay tuned for further updates as this story develops. Our source is supposed to send the alleged photos later tonight.
I pity the tool. If that sucka gonna be sendin’ pics of his thing, it’s gotta be at least as impressive as mine, fool!
*Sigh* He didn’t really believe me when I told him most girls aren’t into that kind of thing.
You can’t suspend me! I will STAY RIGHT HERE you little fdu63 qs;m/ nooooo waaaaiiiitttt arrrrgghhhh!!!!
Innocent until proven guilty! It was a private matter between two consenting adults! Everybody lies about sex! It wasn’t sex! It depends on what the meaning of “is” is! I did not have not-sex, whether video, audio or photographic, with that woman, Ms. Shelly! It’s an addiction, a medical problem that I can’t be punished for under the Americans With Disabilities Act! PSTD! My brother’s serious illness caused me so much stress that I didn’t know what I was doing! It was an epileptic seizure/insulin reaction/change in my Elavil/Prozac prescription! I was sending it to a buddy and accidentally hit “reply all”! It’s a Vast Centrist Conspiracy to discredit me because the Democrats are about to lose the House! I’m a victim of self-abuse! The extreme amount of overtime required by my job at LEP caused a chemical deficiency of serotonin!
Dear Mr. Mascot: I am an associate attorney at the Legal Clinic of Summe, Rich, Bastard and Son. The above defenses are provided pro bono, but I would advise you to immediately retain counsel who specializes in high-profile cases requiring extensive public relations work. As Gloria Allred is currently fully engaged in a smear campaign in California, our firm stands ready to defend you to the fullest extent of our ability.
Sincerely,
Mia Shark, Ass. Atty
I wish I had a blog where I could talk to myself.
Also, does Mia Shark know that she has “Ass” right after her name?
I love scandal! Can’t wait for the pics 🙂
Also here’s a bad joke I made up. Mr. E was using a tool to build/fix something. The tool broke. What did Mr. E say? “I pity the tool.” 🙂
If you look at the picture in question all you will see is a single dot. Clearly that isn’t a suggestive image, it’s merely a dead pixel on the cell phone’s LCD screen.
I now advise Mascot to file a counterclaim. This is clearly libel.
@Mr. E: I just got the pics. It’s probably safe to say, he’s not as impressive as you.
@Egg Fu Yung: Well, his ego gets in the way of his brain.
@Ass. Atty, Mia Shark: I’m a little disappointed “The devil made me do it” is apparently not in your repertoire of defenses. Otherwise, you seem pretty solid, and quite interested in living the American way. Which is, sue someone and get rich quick.
@Katrushka: What do you mean, talk to myself? You think I’m writing all the stuff the Eggs say? Nonsense…they are my employees.
@Q: I pity YOU, fool! You gotta be somebody! Or be somebody’s fool!
@Allen: You see, the single dot IS the size of his thing…
Donnie, I don’t remember ever saying YOU are talking to yourself. I merely said I wanted a blog so *I* could talk to myself.
Big difference.
Well, you know…it’s easy enough to start one…just say whatever random stuff pops in your mind. It’s unbelievable that some people will actually be interested in it. (Or pretend to be interested so they can get hits on their blog).