Voting for the 2007 Liquid Egg Product on the Face Award is now open!
Voting will be open until December 18, I think. Technically, it’s a one-person, one-vote, but if you find a way to stuff the ballot box, I’m not going to care all that much.
I will actually attempt to contact the winner to let him know he won…so we’ll see how that goes (apparently there were no worthy female candidates; make of that what you will).
(Jump straight to the voting.)
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Judge Roy L. Pearson: A dry cleaner lost his pants, so he sued for $67 million. Broke down crying on the witness stand when talking about his lost pants. Lost the lawsuit, and his job shortly after. Read more here and here. |
| Scot Pollard: Told kids to use drugs on TV. Discovered not everyone appreciated the humor value of the joke. (video) |
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Senator Larry Craig: Busted in a sting operation for soliciting gay sex in a public bathroom. Pled guilty; later claimed he was innocent. Generally made a mess out of his political career. (story) |
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Jonathan Ogden: Professional athlete who “acted” and “danced” in a car insurance commercial. Pseudo-flexed when the jingle lyrics said “power”. Giggled maniacally at the end of the commercial. Proved even offensive linemen can get beautiful female groupies, of sorts. (video) |
| Christopher Emmorey: This bank robber waited for the teller to fill out paperwork during his heist. Teller charged him a $5 service fee for not being a bank customer, and he paid it. Cops overheard him asking neighbors to collude on his alibi. (story) | |
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Duane “Dog” Chapman: Repeatedly called his son’s girlfriend a n*****. His son secretly recorded one of his tirades and sold it to the tabloids. Production of the TV series starring Chapman has been suspended. (story) |
It’s gotta be Craig. Politicians deserve to be laughed at!
Loved the story of the inept robbery. It reminded me of Ireland’s dumbest criminals…
http://shazgood.wordpress.com/2007/07/18/irelands-dumbest-criminals/
pollard all the way…
Aren’t you going to make a trophy or something?
I voted for Larry Craig but you’ve got an excellent selection here, they’re all deserving! I didn’t vote for Jonathan Ogden because I watched the commercial and realized it was soooo bad it had to be a “Saturday Night Live” parody…um, right? Nobody could actually allow that to go on the air with a straight face…oh.
Boy this is a tough choice… they all seem so deserving. I will need time to reflect on this, I shall come back later to cast my vote.
@Shazgood: This politician especially deserves to be laughed at!
One thing I remember hearing from “COPS” programs and the like is the “criminal mastermind” is an uncommon creature–most crooks are below-average intelligence.
@chessloser: It’s too bad he’s not good enough to play on the court too often.
@Mascot: Yeah, hold your horses; I’ll get it ready.
@Wahrheit: Some people will do anything for money. Give me a $100, and I’ll be in that commercial!
@Chessaholic: Take your time; you’ve got almost a week! I don’t know who I’m voting for, either. It’ll probably depend on my mood that day.
I forgot to nominate myself. i’ve done plenty of poopoohead things this year. I might have won too. But I voted for the pants guy. he seemed most winningest.
I’m with Annie, it’s gotta be this “pants guy” character. His life must have been so boring, he needed something to kick some wind into it or else, he loved his pants too much.
I didn’t vote for Jonathan Ogden because I watched the commercial and realized it was soooo bad it had to be a “Saturday Night Live” parody…um, right?
Ogden’s dance skillz have been known in Baltimore for much longer than the recent web frenzy I’ve seen on Deadspin and similar sites.
Its realizzle. Yo. Word to yo mommy.
@annie: Unfortunately, you aren’t famous enough. 😉 Maybe you’ll get an “honorable mention” somehow.
@me: I don’t know. The scary part is that he seemed to think he was in the right.
You wouldn’t happen to be the same “me” of Reassembler fame? I don’t think so, b/c your writing styles seem to be a little different…
@gorckat: Dang it. So did he do that commercial pre-2007? Technically he wouldn’t qualify! But it’s too late now, and I don’t think he has a shot at “winning” anyway. [EDIT: The YouTube video was uploaded in April 2006.]
I thought he did. I know he’s done older GEBCO commercials. I couldn’t Google anything concrete up, so I might just be thinking of older GEBCO girl commercials.
GO GEBCO! GO GEBCO! GO GEBCO!
But wait! There’s more…
Dated 09-28-04 is this: “all we need is the Johnathon Ogden Gebco commercial.”
And another one from 2004: “The only commercials that make me laugh/cringe more than Eastern Motors commercials are Gebco commercials featuring “J.O.”, Jonathan Ogden, doing his silly dance routine with the Gebco girls. I didn’t know slutty dancing girls were so into guys with unfortunate nicknames that can’t hold down car insurance!”
YouTube might have some older video. I think the commercial making the rounds is a newly produced one, however, so on a technicality, I say its square.
Oh, duh. The video you had was 2k6.
Scot Pollard, since he was being humorous, he might actually respond to your efforts to contact him. And it still makes me almost grin a few days after hearing about it.
I’m not famous enough? Google my maiden name and you shall see how famous I am!
I will be signing autographs next week. Better decide now what you’ll say to me when you see me, so you won’t be tongue tied in your star-struckedness.
@gorckat: It’s too bad that AOL page was down; that video would have been awesome to see.
@l3rucewayne: I’ve been considering e-mailing Pollard a message no matter where he ends up. (“Congratulations, you got third place…”) He’s known as a joker, so he would might get a little kick out of it.
@annie: It’s a good thing all those phone numbers are defunct then. And I want your autograph.
I’m starting to feel kinda bad for Dog and the bankrobber dude–they’re such big losers they’re losing the loser’s competition in a shutout!