Even though most of you probably still eat eggs, I wanted to thank all the humans who patronize this site. As a gift, you will receive my scientific insight into the human mating ritual and how you can harness this power to trick someone into liking you.
I’ve done months of research at the natural courting areas of Homo Sapiens (drinking bars). After reviewing the data, the human coupling process can be summarized as follows:
1. The male of the species attempts to get a female’s attention with a pathetic “pick-up line”.
2. The female rejects the male with an equivalently implausible excuse.
3. A couple is created only after a sufficient amount of alcohol is consumed by both parties.
It’s rumored that if the male is Derek Jeter or George Clooney, step 2 does not take place. Unfortunately, neither of them showed up during my studies to verify this.
So if you want to meet someone special, you need to be prepared. Here’s four introductions that can work for you. Now if you successfully coupled readers want to share your own lines, that’s cool. But for beginners, I’d recommend sticking with one of my recommendations.
Males can open with one of the following lines:
1. My toupee is less fake than Donald Trump’s. Can you tell?
2. Yo, babe, I don’t have any STD’s.
3. Ah eat zee French fries and zee French toast, because Ah am zee romantique French man!
4. We go together like dirty dishes and handwashing soap.
Females can respond with the following shoot-downs:
1. Sorry, I have to scrub my cheese grater tonight.
2. Wow, this sex change operation is even more convincing than I thought!
3. You know that guy Michael Jordan? Yeah, well, I’m waiting for him.
4. Call me! My number is 911-290-2328.*
* If you’re not in the U.S., substitute the “911” with whatever your country’s emergency service number is.
I will be moving to Corpus Christi in June.
I am pretty sure that I will drive up to the Houston CC some time
http://gettingto2000.blogspot.com/
I will be moving to Corpus Christi in June
See you sometime at the HCC
what happened to the sexy sliding bar at the top? and the sophisticated black background? Boo.
Worst pickup line I ever received:
JERK: have lunch with me
ME: no i’m married
JERK: oh that’s all right, so am i
Wait a sec, I thought that some time back the Mascot had posted some better pick-up lines than these…didn’t he use them to actually get a date with a human female?
Searching…Yes!
http://pro.corbis.com/images/42-15969037.jpg?size=67&uid={A67C602D-17B8-4F00-9DA3-4CBC29848E2E}
Darn, something wrong with link…Mascot see if you can get that shot and post it. I know you’re trying to be undercover but the world needs to see you with the hottie.
yay! no more white font on black background!
love pickup line #2, no beating around the bush there.
Umm…Where is the “NEW” Liquid Egg Product? I liked the sliding thingy at the top, and I liked the look of the black background. POOP! See, I hope you’re happy you have made me curse.
Here we go–evidence that the Mascot is a playah.
http://rlpchessblog.blogspot.com/2009/04/world-exclusive-photo.html
You are weird.
@Ivan: Cool, but hope you like driving. It’s about a 3 hour trip.
@Annie: Yeah, but…was he cute?
@Robert: They should really try to arrest that woman for taking advantage of a young egg (full story on your post)
@Chessaholic: The numbers aren’t in front of me, but for both men and women, #2 seemed the most effective.
@wang: I used dirty words, too: “Why the omel** did he change that quich*!” I’ll find out what’s up with this.
Off topic, but I thought this video is friggin awesome, almost cooler than sharks with lasers beams attached to their heads:
NBA & Chess
Wait, where are the avatars?
@Ivan: Awesome! I’ll have to start attending HCC again :D. The Mascot is correct, though, it’s not a short drive!
@Annie: Maybe it shouldn’t be funny, but man.
@Robert: OK, fixing the link.
While any attention to LEP is appreciated, I’m a little worried that your praise of the Mascot’s prowess is just going to go to his head.
@Chessaholic: It was getting to me, too. Overall, the new theme was just harder to read.
Loved the NBA video.
@BDK: I’ll put the avatars in, and they will be part of the new theme.