News on our friend Manuel Uribe has been more sparse recently. Probably because he now weighs less than half a ton, making him considerably less interesting to the media. I’m still interested in his weight loss progress, although apparently he still hasn’t broken the 800 lb. mark.
Fortunately, Mr. Uribe decided to go out on a date recently (yes, he has a girlfriend), so the media was actually interested. It went about has well as could be expected for someone who couldn’t even get out of his house for 5 years:
When Manuel Uribe went out on a date, he made all the necessary arrangements: a forklift to carry him out of the house and a flatbed tow truck big enough to haul the formerly half-ton man and his bed to a party….
Uribe was halfway to a picnic near his Monterrey-area home on Sunday when one of the posts holding a sun-shielding tarp over his bed hit an overpass.
Uribe’s blood pressure dropped so much his doctors advised him not to go on and the celebration — being documented by about two dozen photographers and reporters from around the world — was canceled.
Source: Waco Tribune
Hey, I couldn’t help but noticing, but this blob called Uribe has managed to find a girlfriend, and he can’t even leave his house. I couldn’t help but notice your romantic life has been considerably less active than his the past year or so.
Thank you for your insight. I’ve been a little busy recently.
Yeah, sure.
Let me guess, you’re going to brag about your exploits and try to show off.
I was going to, but I don’t want to make you look too bad.
Damn, the mascot’s really giving it to you…
Ever think about throwing him out. I mean come on he’s gotta be totally dependant on you. I mean for God’s sake he’s an egg!
He probably grew up in New Yolk city, which would mean he is probably pretty self sufficient… Yes I’ve been saving that. Probably should have waited for a better oppurtunity. Ah well…
The only “chicks” the MAscot could get are Peeps.
Hey, and you’ve been busy keeping this very informative blog up and running too…. AND you didn’t have media attention like Uribe …which in and of itself, is a free ticket to chicks-ville.
@Wang: You’ve got it wrong, friend. He depends on me….and I haven’t heard about the latest Patzer Boyz’ exploits…you guys still getting pasted, right?
@l3rucewayne: Hardee-har-har. Look, you wanna replace Donnie? ‘Cause your jokes take it to a different level. Really.
@Blunderprone: He’s just bitter because Irina Krush asked me out instead of him.
Mascot I find Donnie’s long lashes and goofy laugh decidedly more attractive than a shell I’d have to be careful around. i mean, I’m 130 pounds. not a whole lot of room for error there. I’d be picking up the pieces quite literally.
Donnie I hope you never think heeless heels are sexy. I’d truly have to kick your ass. And that’s not as much fun as kicking shell.
I’m still embarrassed for my entire gender.
First, those long lashes of his just proves he’s a wussy metrosexual.
Second, my shell is much stronger than the regular eggs at the supermarket.
But even if it weren’t, it’s not a problem because the guy’s the one on top.
@wang: Sadly, the Mascot has a point. He’s too much a fabric of LEP to be eliminated now.
@l3rucewayne: OK, that was good. Yeah, there may have been a better use of it, but the urge to use a joke before you forget it is too strong to resist.
@Blunderprone: Yes, the media attention…I wonder how much money Uribe makes from his foundation? That could explain a lot.
@Annie: Not that the female leg isn’t already sexy by itself, but high heels subtly change its shape to give it a certain bonus allure. Whether the shoe has an actual heel or not is mostly immaterial.
But you have a right to be embarrassed for your gender.
@Mascot: My long eyelashes are natural. I’m a wussy non-metrosexual.