So they say to this guy Jorge Mario Bergoglio, “Hey, dude, we want you to be the leader of a billion-person organization, but you need to change your name” and he says “Uh, OK, some other popes used Francis; I guess I’ll use that one.”
It’s like if my name were Robert and I decided to change my name to Derek. People would say, “Oh yeah, you’re so cool, changing your name from one millions of people use to a name millions of other people use.” And while they were saying it, they would kind of purse their lips and use that tone of voice just on the edge of straight and sarcastic. Not sarcastic enough so you can call them out on it, but enough so you KNOW they respect you slightly less than the leftover sugar that didn’t dissolve in your coffee.
But you look at a baller like Metta World Peace…now he had the right idea.
Elect me as pope, and guaranteed I’ll drag the Catholic church out of the 13th century and into the 20th. For starters, giving myself a cool name, like Pope Space Ghost or Pope Spider-man. Someone cool. 4chan and Reddit would completely blow up! And they’d talk about how maybe this new pope isn’t a child molester or Nazi sympathizer for a change.
And if those cardinals give me flak for my sweet new name, all I gotta say is “I’m the damn POPE; I’m infallible, mortal scum!” And they won’t even be able to call me out for using the minor swear word “damn”, because I would have said it in Latin.