We all know the USCF is in a signficant pile of legal and political doo-doo. I propose implementing the following course of action, which will strengthen U.S. chess for years to come. But only if we, the members, have the force of will to get it done.
1. Get rid of the current USCF board, and nullify this year’s election. Replace the board with the people noted above.
2. All major tournaments will supply two free pints of beer, per person, per diem. In order to preserve the USCF’s reputation, the beer supplied must not be Milwaukee’s Best.
3. If a major tournament has too high a percentage of old white guys, chess babes will be deployed to improve the average attractiveness level.
4. Chess Life will be reduced to a quarterly publication to save costs. Chess Enquirer will be the new flagship chess magazine (distributed monthly).
5-8. Some other stuff I forgot.
(In the picture, Left to right: Egg Fu Yung, The Mascot, Mr. E, Suzie Yolkar, The Fake Fake Real Sam Sloan. Also pictured, beer and chess babes.)